Don’t Make Me Blog About You
Removing Blocks
Our internal blocks offer up clues to building the bridges to move forward. They are signposts for us to stop and notice. They invite us to investigate and look for...READ MORE
You Must Trust Yourself
Trust, plain and simple. What if we could trust that the Universe is good – not only does it have our backs, but all it wants is to see us...READ MORE
Owning our False Narratives
When feelings of not being good enough, powerlessness and rejection arise, we often react by constructing a false narrative to protect ourselves. This is our “Survive and Thrive” strategy to...READ MORE
Anchoring Into Preference
Take a moment and think about your day. Who put the options on the table? With each and every action you chose to make, what was the origination point of...READ MORE
How to Get Out of Your Own Way
God, the Universe, your Authentic-Self, everything, is trying to get you there, where you want to be. And your job is to not get in the way by halting the...READ MORE
Oh, the Ego
I’m a big fan of the ego. I never jumped onboard the Beyond Ego, ego bashing craze of the ’80s. The ego has its place. It is an integral part...READ MORE
Life is Not a Test
Life is not a test to be passed; it’s an opportunity to be explored, experienced, and the perfect circumstance to express your multifaceted essence and grow to your fullest possible...READ MORE
What if my true life path sucks?
Lately, I’ve been working on following my true life path. I’ve long struggled with the idea of trusting and trusting that The Plan is one I’m going to like. It’s...READ MORE
When chasing happiness it’s important to look at your behaviors that maintain the status quo.
There are reasons we do the things we do. There are reasons I keep wearing my UGGs to walk the dog even though they hurt my feet. There are reasons...READ MORE
Embrace Your Instrument
The first step to living a happy and fulfilling life is accepting who you are. Try saying this sentence to yourself a couple of times and notice what comes up,...READ MORE
How to avoid going from a Maiden to a Maid (or having been made.)
This applies to men as well as women, at home and at work. I started thinking about being a maiden in the context of the term “maiden name” (Surprisingly, I...READ MORE
How to Get Unstuck
I’ve got my clear intention (from my list.) I’m trusting that everything is unfolding perfectly, so I can let go of controlling every element to create my desired outcome, and...READ MORE
How to Get Unstuck
Sometimes I have trouble imagining the better life, that place where I no longer feel stuck. This is easier for some than others. I frequently have a hard time imagining...READ MORE
How to Get Unstuck
I have had so many healers, psychics, coaches and counselors tell me that if I could just learn to trust, doors would fly open, not just open for me, but...READ MORE
How to Get Unstuck
I’ve got a few lists going. I’ve got lists for what I want to be different in my relationships. I’ve got a list for living in my perfect place, a...READ MORE
How to Get Unstuck
This part gets a little tricky. It took me quite a bit of time before I had an aha moment. To be honest, I was going a little (a lot)...READ MORE
How to Get Unstuck
I’m a morning person, I’m social and I like to engage (talk.) I’ve noticed (because I’m paying attention) that I’m much more enlivened (less stuck) when I get out and...READ MORE
How to Get Unstuck
For me, it’s the sky. Looking up at the sky on a bluebird day fills me with a sense of joy and contentedness. If I were at the coast, it...READ MORE
How to Get Unstuck
I am a conflict avoider. Crazy as it seems, since I am so good at resolving conflict and have made a profession out of it. But maybe that’s why. I...READ MORE
How to Get Unstuck
I often have a tough time getting out of my head. I spend a great deal of time in command central trying to figure out the problem and its solution....READ MORE
How to Get Unstuck
I’m from Cali, so I can chill with the best of them. I can frequently be found just sitting and thinking. But when I’m feeling stuck, that’s a different story....READ MORE
How to Get Unstuck
I am really good at helping people get unstuck. I am an exceptional collaborator, problem solver who, as of late, has found myself in a shrinking box of confinement, and...READ MORE
3 Steps to Turn Competition into Cooperation and Be More Successful, Happier and Satisfied
It’s a competitive world out there, and the only way we can get what we want out of life is to beat out the competition. One look at the constant...READ MORE
My Fear of Dying
Searching 18,350 and counting I’ve got a big fear of dying, and so do a whole heck of a lot of other people in this world. American culture in particular...READ MORE
Searching
Searching, day 18,350 and something, something. Every psychic I’ve spoken to since I was a kid has told me if I could only learn to trust, that doors would fly...READ MORE
I Get Riled Up! And That’s O.K.
The goal of Collaborative Problem Solving is to reach a satisfying solution for all involved, but it’s a process and the process contains a number of stages. For me, the first...READ MORE
Telling Other People What To Do…
Think of this blog post as part II of “Don’t Tell Me What to Do.” When my husband read my post the other day, he was incredulous. He laughed in...READ MORE
“Beggars Can’t be Choosers”
Begging is imploring others to grant a favor. It is not an empowered position, and making a habit of it doesn’t lead to healthy, balanced, fulfilling relationships. If you believe beggars...READ MORE
Cheating
The web site Ashley Madison’s tag line was: “Life is short. Have an affair. We’re the premier website for discreet connections.” When millions of names and personal information were leaked online following...READ MORE
Choices
We make choices all the time in our relationships. ” Should I stay or should I go now, if I go there will be trouble. An’ if I stay it will be...READ MORE
It’s O.K. to get Angry
It’s o.k. to get angry. A matter of fact, it’s o.k. to get really, really mad. But we need to be conscious about what we choose to do with that anger...READ MORE
Say It Don’t Spray It
When I’m in conversation with people, I’m often attuned to the apparent disconnects between what they are saying is so and what appears to actually be true. The thing about...READ MORE
An Emotional Man
A friend of mine recently told my daughter that she should marry an emotional man. I’ve been thinking quite a bit about this comment, and what it means to be...READ MORE
Why Emotional Intelligence Trumps IQ
When it comes to personal and professional success, emotional intelligence is our biggest asset. Daniel Goleman’s research provides overwhelming evidence that emotional intelligence can be learned and is the biggest...READ MORE
Forge Ahead but Don’t Linger
I heard an interview a while back on NPR with Judy Collins. It was a great interview. And there was one thing she said that got me thinking. And the more...READ MORE
Any Thinking Person Would Agree!
“Uh…hmmmm, no!” We are all thinking people. When you say, or think, the statement that any thinking person would agree, what you really mean, whether you realize it or not,...READ MORE
How to Recognize a Decoy Question
The decoy question is an unstated preference hidden beneath a proposed choice of options. It’s a trick. So, don’t be fooled. It’s an unintentional trick, but a trick none the less....READ MORE
Are You in Shock?
I threw the iching this morning; I asked it to tell me something good. It had been a rough night and the dawn was beginning to show itself as a tough...READ MORE
I’m No Good
Personally, my being good at something is very closely tied to my sense of self worth. I’d rather it weren’t. I’m working at it not being. But for the time being,...READ MORE
Making Stuff Up
We make stuff up. We tell stories. Our brains are hard wired to do so. We fill in the spaces and the holes of incomplete stories to make them make...READ MORE
How to Feel Like You are Enough
Being enough plays a big part in getting what you want in life. So, as logic follows, being enough and believing you deserve good things is elemental in creating and...READ MORE
How to Stop Fighting
Having fewer fights is more fun. When you stop trying to change another person and stop blaming them for your dissatisfaction and frustrations, you become empowered. And, being empowered is...READ MORE
Bob and Weave
The Bob and Weave – many people have this move perfected. Some people are so adept at bobbing and weaving, the rest of us don’t even realize what’s happened until much...READ MORE
Save The Drama For Your Mama!
Recent science tells us a little stress strengthens the immune system, keeps our brains active and operating well. A little stress can even help protect against various diseases. Studies show that...READ MORE
Life Changing Magic
My blog today is inspired by one of my recent, favorite books – “The Life Changing Magic of Tidying Up: The Japanese Art of Decluttering and Organizing” by Marie Kondo....READ MORE
Being Present
Today, I want you to practice being present. It’s an essential skill to master on your way to experiencing satisfying and thriving relationships. It’s a critical tool to own, so you...READ MORE
Don’t Tell Me What To Do!
Most people don’t like to be told what to do. It robs them of their personal power. However, there are those who like it because they don’t have to take...READ MORE
I Messages
Replace “You should…” with “I’d like it if you…” Avoid unnecessary conflict and get more of what you desire. FacebookTwitterLinkedIn
Know Your Buttons
I hate waiting for people. I’m an unusually patient person in just about every area of my life, until it comes to physically waiting for someone else to show up....READ MORE
Move the Furniture!
It’s time to move the furniture. I mean this both literally and figuratively. A few weeks ago, our family rearranged our living room furniture. We’d had the same set up...READ MORE
Know Thy Self
It’s a valuable thing to know yourself. The other day, as I was talking with a friend about my reaction to my husband wanting to put a hot tub in...READ MORE
How Do You Go About Getting What You Want?
What is your typicsl modus operandi for getting what you want in life? A. Aggressive B. Passive – Hope and prayer, or dumb ol’ pure luck C. Passive Aggressive D. Assertive...READ MORE
“I Did, So You Should, Too!”
The other day, as I stood in line at the local coffee shop, I was gently accosted by a well caffeinated, well intentioned acquaintance. She was selling raffle tickets and...READ MORE
“I Don’t, So Neither Should You!”
“I don’t, so neither should you!” is a constant and reliable companion to “I did, so you should, too.” I personally like to counter this wayward opinion with, “You’re not...READ MORE
Shame
Today, I was going to write about not being a jerk, but that will have to wait until tomorrow. Because today I’m going to write about shame. Today, shame is...READ MORE
Excellent Advice
A good friend of mine recently gave me some excellent relationship advice. And, yes, I need advice, too. Because, “Can’t see the forest for the trees.” I don’t really like...READ MORE
Don’t Rub Your Eyes!!!
For those of you who aren’t allergy sufferers this point won’t be so dramatic, but you’ll get the gist of it anyway, and that’s what matters. So, why do we...READ MORE
Stop Trying to Control Me!
“You are so bossy and controlling. Stop it!” You can yell as loud and as long as you want to, but that tactic isn’t going to work. If someone is...READ MORE
Why Do I Feel So Alone? Correction, Disconnection
To correct or not to correct, that is the question. The answer is it depends. So, when the urge strikes you to correct someone else’s behavior, Stop, Look and Listen....READ MORE
Practice Saying “NO!”
Practice saying “No” and its semantically softer companions: No thank you. I’d rather not. I don’t think so. Not just now. Maybe another time. I don’t care for that. Thanks for...READ MORE
Word Choice
We are responsible for our communications; however we aren’t responsible for the effect our communication has on another individual. It’s certainly a good idea to notice what the effect has...READ MORE
The Good News, and The Bad News…
I’ve got some good news and some bad news. The good news is, it’s all you! The bad news is, it’s all you! When learning to better navigate your relationships...READ MORE
The Benefit of the Doubt Is Free
There is no harm, no foul in giving people the benefit of the doubt, at least for the short term. For instance, let’s say you called a friend and they never...READ MORE
Education, Einstein and the Clone Wars
Yesterday, one of my son’s teachers shared some concerns with me. She told me he needed work on his math facts, that she was going to introduce him to some...READ MORE
Tough Titty said The Kitty, but The Milk’s Still Good
“I don’t want to be someone who…” Well, tough luck, Baby. You’ve got to own it before you can change it, and if it’s who you are at this particular...READ MORE
Are You Telling Yourself the Truth?
Are you showing up in the world as the person you came here to be? That’s the question to ask yourself in these last few months of the year. Whether...READ MORE
Fact or Fiction?
Fact or fiction; truth or tale? Are you focused on the facts or the story you’ve constructed around the facts? Are you looking for what’s true, or are you weaving a yarn...READ MORE
Change is a Process
Change is a process. It takes time. It takes focus and effort. Especially when we are talking about changing an established behavior. On the rare blessed occasion that we just...READ MORE
You Are the Expert
I recently saw an article on Houzz, entitled “Should You Make Your Bed? We Talked to the Experts.” And, if you have read my blog post “Fact or Fiction” you...READ MORE
Shedding Shame
2016 is my year to shed shame! It’s one of my top goals for the year because it’s in my way, and I’ve got people to see and places to...READ MORE
What’s the Difference Between Guilt and Shame?
“What’s the relationship between guilt and shame, and are they related?” (I got asked this question in response to my blog post, Shedding Shame.) My answer is they’re kissing cousins!...READ MORE
Smile and Wave Boys, Smile and Wave.
Many people, and a few penguins, will do anything imaginable to avoid confrontation when faced with blame or shame as a predictable response. We’d rather stick our heads in the...READ MORE
You’d be Crazy Not To…
No, you’d have to be very, very brave! Because the message that is being fired on all cylinders when people tell you, “Everyone would…” translates as – “Anyone with a modicum...READ MORE
But, That’s Just The Way It Is. Right?
“But, that’s just the way it is. I can’t do anything about it.” Uh, no. Not true. “I have no choice” Uh, no, also not true! The one thing you always have...READ MORE
I Deserve…
Now that we are working shamelessly on shedding shame, it’s time to start working on beefing up our I Deserve muscles. Because developing an unflinching, deep seated sentiment that you are...READ MORE
Existential Terror and a Little Bit More of “This or That?”
In spin class today I heard the song, “I Lived” by One Republic. Well, I’ve heard that song a couple dozen times before – I’ve got a teenager. But this...READ MORE
The Human Binary System
Pay attention to the zeros and ones in your personal interactions. We are all a bunch of ones and zeroes – On/Off; Open/Closed; Connection/Disconnection. And our behavior can foster either...READ MORE
Don’t Believe Everything You Think
Don’t believe everything you think, and absolutely don’t believe everything other people think. What is true for someone else may or may not be true for you. There are vey...READ MORE
An Affair to Remember
My husband and I were recently talking about the Ashley Madison website. We were talking about the enormity of it all. What does it say about marriage, fidelity, relationships and...READ MORE
History Repeats Itself
History repeats itself unless we learn from it and do things differently next time. And if that’s not ringing any bells, think about the old cliche, “Insanity means doing the...READ MORE
The Written Word
One of the most essential elements of communication is that the message sent is the message received. Yes, you get points for trying, but not that many. If what you...READ MORE
“I Agree.” Or Do I?….
The ability to make and manage agreements is a cornerstone of satisfying relationships. And dealing with agreements is a ripe breeding ground for conflicts to arise. It can be dang hard...READ MORE
We Are Different, and That’s a Good Thing
I got a note from a friend the other day saying she was in the mountains acclimating for a 100 mile race. My first response was, “Wow!” My second was,...READ MORE
Honesty is the Best Policy
Honesty is the best policy for a number of reasons. First, the thing about the truth is it’s what’s true, so you are going to have to deal with it...READ MORE
Look Where You Want To Go
Eyes on the prize. In general, in most of life’s situations, it is a good idea to look where you want to go and point in the aforementioned direction. I’ve...READ MORE
It’s Not Disneyland
I remember when I was a kid, and I heard that someone was suing my dad because they had tripped over a cement parking bumper (aka the cement block in...READ MORE
You Can’t Get Blood Out of a Stone
“You can’t get blood out of a stone.” No, no you can’t. But, what I think is the most relevant point to the successful day to day operation of our...READ MORE
Sorry Not Sorry
Sorry, not sorry, and other iterations of “I’m sorry.” Short, sweet and heartfelt is the most affective form of apology. Too often, people will try and talk the person they...READ MORE
Cues, Clues and the Mysterious Veils Through Which We Communicate
Interpersonal cues -body language, facial expressions, voice tone and pitch- are great indicators of what is going on during an interpersonal exchange. Think of these cues as a starting point, a spark, to...READ MORE
It’s O.K. To Be Sad
It’s o.k. to be sad, even very, very sad. Sadness, like anger, is a very fine emotion. But, like anger, not all of us are comfortable feeling it or being in the...READ MORE
The Power of “NO” Challenge
Previously, on my blog, I’ve spoken about communicating without making excuses or justifications for your decisions. I challenged you to spend a period of time trying to respond to requests...READ MORE
The Grand Canyon
Sometimes when we are trying to communicate with another person it can feel like crossing the Grand Canyon. There can be a huge chasm between the message we are intending...READ MORE
Personal Manifesto Primer
We could all use a little guidance in becoming the fullest, most authentic expression of our authentic selves. So, here are a few elemental tenets to start thinking about and to begin...READ MORE
“We Get Along Better When…”
Usually it takes two to tango; sometimes we dance alone, but we are always solely responsible for our steps. Most of our relationships involve multiple people. Although there are those...READ MORE
A Battle or A War?
When conflict arises, it’s a good idea to assess whether you are merely engaged in a battle or if you are officially at war. A battle is a conflict that...READ MORE
Meeting People Where They Are
My family and I just spent the better part of a week with a huge group of friends – couples, families, and single folk. It was wonderful, and it provided...READ MORE
Sticking your Stake in the Ground
Sometimes we stick our stake in the ground and hold on for dear life. Our dentist is a master collaborator, and all of his co-workers are exceptional. On our last...READ MORE
Hand Signals
As I was jogging down the bike path, a biker passed me going the other way. I noticed as he slowed to pass me, he made the universal hand signal of...READ MORE
Are You a Conflict Avoider?
Are you a conflict avoider? I am! Surprised? True, I’m an attorney, divorce mediator and specialize in conflict resolution, but that’s other people’s conflict. To that, I say, “Bring it On!”...READ MORE
You’re Too Sensitive
“You’re too sensitive. You need to loosen up. You seem offended; you want me to leave? You acted like this yesterday, too. What’s wrong with you?” I overheard this conversation...READ MORE