My husband and I were recently talking about the Ashley Madison website. We were talking about the enormity of it all. What does it say about marriage, fidelity, relationships and website marketing (My husband runs an internet business.)
What are so many married people looking for? And what are they desperate to escape?
The old movie, “An Affair to Remember” is considered one of the most romantic movies of all times. It’s about a couple who spark a romance aboard a cross Atlantic cruise ship. They are both engaged to other people but decide to reunite at the top of the Empire State building in six months. The movie tells you a lot about our culture’s ideas regarding romance. The story is based on miscommunication, self-sacrifice, deceit, unavailability, and secrecy.
The popular play and movie, “Same Time Next Year” portrays the story of a couple who have a brief affair and decide to continue it indefinitely, meeting once a year. They enjoy an unburdened intimacy and relative anonymity they lack in their married lives.
I’m not saying Ben Affleck did or didn’t, but I will say many couples are desperate for happier times and don’t know how to achieve or retrieve them in their current relationships. For argument sake, let’s say you are pondering the idea of having an affair. My question for you is, “Why?” Yep, my question is why? Think about the reasons the notion of an affair is appealing. What is it you are after? What do you want to get from it? What do you want to experience? What do you want to feel? What do you want to avoid? What is it you are missing in your current relationship? What is it you are experiencing in your current relationship that you want to escape? What have you lost (or never had) that you desire?
Sometimes the very things that initially drew us to a partnership are the very things that end up driving us away. If you are willing to peel away the layers to understand what it is you are actually seeking and what’s in your way of getting it, odds are you can find what you are looking for right where you are.
P.S. If you come to the determination that happiness is impossible to achieve in your current relationship, be honest. Honorably end it and move on. Respect yourself, the relationship, your commitment and your partner.